A few days ago a community member reached out about a girl who was replying less and less to him, slowly but surely, losing interest. 


Even before I read the screenshots he sent me, I immediately knew what the problem was…


There were giant blocks of text.


He’d send 3, 4, and even 5 messages at the same time.


And he replied to every text she sent within SECONDS. 


He was clearly coming off as desperate and this guy’s chances with her were pretty much over at that point. 


Being desperate is hands down the fastest way to get ghosted on, friend-zoned, and rejected HARD.


And it stems from two personality traits that’s basically hardwired in a woman’s DNA to turn her off. 


Neediness and approval seeking behavior. 


If a girl thinks you’re needy and actively seeks other people’s approval, then your chance of sleeping with her quickly drops to zero. 


On the other hand, being non-needy and non-approval seeking is extremely attractive to women.


It makes you look masculine and they become a lot more naturally attracted to you. 


So...


What Does It Mean To Be Non-Needy & Non-Approval Seeking?


Being non-needy is when you do things simply because you want to and you’re not heavily invested in the results of the risks you take. 


It means approaching women and being completely okay with the idea that you might get rejected, or that she might not be that interested, but trying anyways. 


Men who are non-needy have a deep internal sense of validation, meaning they’re more willing to do something that benefits them, even if there is some sort of negative external consequence.


On the other hand men who ARE needy tend to be externally driven…


Meaning they will often shy away from doing something if there is any possibility of negative external consequences. 


Or need heavy outside encouragement to do something he shouldn’t need assistance on.


For example, a non-needy obese man will go to the gym because he knows he needs to be healthier, even if he’s embarrassed about going. 


While a needy obese man will be too paralyzed by the fear of being judged to go to the gym. 


This also applies to approaching women. 


Non-needy men will go up to a girl and strike up a conversation, no matter how nervous he is, and if he gets rejected he won’t take it personally. 


But a needy man might get self conscious about being judged by outsiders and freeze up. 


Or he relies on his friends to boost his energy and encourage him to talk to the girl. 


Whenever you’re in a situation where you’re feeling anxiety because you’re afraid of what people might think, ask yourself:


"What do you care more about: a) how you'll feel after you approach a girl or b) what people will think of you approaching the girl?"


The answer should ALWAYS be A.


Being non-approval seeking, simply means you’re not going to shy away from your beliefs or opinions, just to impress those around you. 


For example, I was once at a party and my girlfriend noticed one girl was very touchy and giddy around me, but was very cold towards the other guys.


Why?


Well it started while she was telling some story and in the middle of her story she goes on a bit of a rant about butterflies…


And how much she HATES them.


She said things like “They’re basically gross little worms with wings!”


Immediately most of the guys listening are nodding along and agreeing with her, but my reaction?


What?? Who hates butterflies? What kind of mediocre childhood did you have? Did someone lock you in a phone booth with thousands of butterflies or something?


She laughed, slapped my arm, started making HEAVY eye contact, and was immediately swooning.


In most situations it feels very natural for men to just lie about how they feel, just to get a girl to like him more, even if it’s something as silly as disliking butterflies. 


It’s almost ALWAYS better to stick with how you really feel and think in these sort of situations.


Now you might be wondering…


Why is Being Needy & Approval Seeking So Unattractive?


Good question, I’m glad you asked. 


It’s simple really…


Because these aren’t masculine qualities.


Neediness and approval seeking behavior signal to women that you’re not a leader…


That you’ll openly agree to anything if it makes your life easier, or that you’re too reliant on others, and others have a big influence on your mood and how you act.


When you really get down to the root of why women are attracted to masculine men, it’s because in their subconscious brain they believe, masculine men will protect them without hurting them, and be good for raising children. 


In a woman’s mind, needy men are too reliant on external factors to properly care for a child in worse case scenario situations.


And approval seeking men are too cowardly to stick up for themselves in the face of danger or adversity. 


Now…


I was actually pretty needy and really wanted the approval of others at one point. 


Every decision I made…


From what I said, down to the clothes I bought…


Was because I CRAVED external validation. 


That was until I realized I wasn’t doing myself or the people around me any favors. I just wanted other people to like me. 


Luckily you can change these traits. It’s not hard to do. I’ll show you how. 


How To Become Non-Needy & Non-Approval Seeking. 


People who are approval seeking tend to come off as ‘yes men’. 


Guys who agree to anything (even if it makes them extremely uncomfortable), just to be liked by other people.


Everyone, including myself, does this to some extent. 


It’s okay to cave into what other people want to do, especially things that don’t impact your life in a negative way. 


For example, let's say you suggest going to a dive bar with a pool table, but your friends suggest a higher class cocktail lounge.


If you just want to hang out with friends, have some good drinks, and make good conversation, then either place would work, and it’s totally okay to compromise. 


BUT… if they decide to go to an overpriced nightclub, even though you hate dancing, don’t want to spend a lot of money, don’t drink that much, and you’re in a relationship so you can’t flirt with other girls...


Then… what’s the point of going?


Just don’t go.


Don’t cave into the peer pressure. 


Especially if you’re not going to have fun. 


Now.. if you want to come off as non-approval seeking, then there’s only two things you have to do…


1. Be honest.


2. Be accepting of her beliefs. 


Before I continue, there are some topics of conversation that women aren’t going to want to get into and will automatically dislike you for having an opposing viewpoint, no matter what.


If that’s the case, she’s probably really annoying, and probably a bit crazy. Just don’t waste your time having those kinds of conversations with women like that.


Luckily for us, the vast majority of women out there aren’t like that. 


If a woman says something that you disagree with, it might come off as confrontational if you immediately disagree with her and you can even come off as the annoying pompous guy if you’re constantly disagreeing with her.


(this is still more attractive than the guy who constantly agrees with her)


Now… in the situation I mentioned above with the butterflies, I teased the girl because it was a bit of a ridiculous thing to say and I suspected she was testing the men around her.


In cases where the topic of conversation isn’t serious - like opinions on movies, tv shows, what their favorite kind of food is, kinds of animals you like, etc… it’s totally okay to tease a woman.


This will usually work in your favor if it’s clear to her that you’re joking. 


On the other hand, if you tease a girl when she’s being serious it could backfire on you, HARD and you could end up looking like a total d*ck. 


(I’ve been there before)


If you notice a woman is serious about a certain topic, it’s far more attractive to listen to her, tell her you don’t agree but her perspective makes sense to you, and be accepting of her beliefs.


If her feelings are too strong around a certain topic then it’s usually best to just drop the topic.


If she wishes to continue, just be respectful, let her speak and express her viewpoint, and try to be objective about the whole thing. 


Calmly disagreeing with a woman while being accepting, is far more powerful and attractive than a submissive man who agrees to everything she says because he wants her approval. 


It’s such an important lesson for men to learn that...


I Have Some Challenges For You!


First off if you feel like you’re too submissive…


If you’re “too nice”...


Wish you had a bit more backbone…


Want to be more assertive…


Want to stop anyone from walking all over you...


If you want to be taken more seriously and more masculine…


Then I highly recommend you check out the book ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ by Dr. Robert Glover. It’s a great book and has helped many men all over the world be more dominant and masculine. 


And lastly, I want you to try something…


Try not apologizing for a full month or explaining yourself in terms of what you're doing. 


Not in a d*ck way, but in a way that you don't have to care what people think of you or what you're doing.


For example, if your friends ask you to come hang out at an event you don’t want to go to, just say no thanks.


Don’t give them an explanation unless they ask for one, and even then you don’t have to overthink it.


You can just tell them something like “I just don’t feel like it”.


Hope that helps and I'll talk to you again soon,